Are You Ready For Change?
- Shiran Berkovich
- Feb 24
- 4 min read
Yesterday I had a talk with a precious person about readiness. Readiness to change.
We were talking about that state where you know something is wrong, in the way you act, or think, but you can't seem to be able to do anything about it.
When it comes to disordered eating, which was the topic we talked about, it can be about a coping mechanism involving eating (or abstaining from it), or any other behavior/way of thinking that is related to the topic. However, since most of us develop various coping mechanisms in our lives, we all have certain habitual behaviors that, at some point, become damaging. Whether because they waste valuable time or because they literally damage our physical health, mental health, relationships, and more.
When noticing it, it's very easy to up the volume of our already loud and unkind inner critic. I mean, how else will we change something unless we constantly remind ourselves how awful we are for doing it?
Well, I'm here to testify that that approach doesn't seem to help in the long run. I can't say it's useless, but I don't believe it brings the true liberation we all seek deep inside.
To recover, from whatever it is you wish to recover from, is a result of seeing and admitting the issue, deciding to change, and acting on that decision. And an honest and strong decision cannot be forced. The process of saying goodbye to something we hold dearly, even if it is "just a behavior," and even if that behavior clearly harms us, can be a very painful breakup.
It will bring up EVERYTHING that that habit/behavior came to deal with or mask to begin with. And developing the courage to face what we've hidden for so long might take a while.
Yes, there are cases where things change in a moment. But even then, when looking closely, a lot led to that moment we've experienced as so easy and fast.
My advice, if I were to give one, would be to become familiar with what it is you wish to change. Make sure it is something that is in your hands, and then start to get curious; Ask why is it there, why are you holding on to it, and how is it serving you, because all things have a purpose, whether you like it or not.
Another component of a true change is honesty. Hosenty with yourself comes first because admitting an issue and becoming familiar with it depends on the ability to see things as they are from a very direct and sometimes painful perspective. We need a lot of support at this point. We need compassion towards ourselves and if possible, the compassion of another person/more than one person.
I found my support in 12-step groups, but I don't think there's one way to do things and I'm not saying a support group is the only way out of painful habits/behaviors.
I just know that being honest regarding my issues, wanting to change, and being willing to do something for that change to happen, couldn't have been the same if I didn't have the power that stems from the support of people who walked similar paths.
I do believe it might have had a similar effect being surrounded by close loving people whom I could share my process with, and at the same time, I am aware that in some cases the level of shame we hold around certain topics requires us to find others with similar problems to share our story with.
So, if there's something that bothers you, and it is under your field of responsibility and control (you can't control others), first admit it to yourself. Then become curious, discover what's behind your now harmful shticks (they always seem to serve us for a while until they don't), find a loving and compassionate someone to share your story and path with, and let the process of untangling the tight knots happen. You can't rush it, and it is annoying and frustrating, I know!
The right actions after that stage of recognition, confession, and willingness to change are different for each one and each situation. It can include medical support, spiritual support, dancing, movement, support groups, changing your job, joining a book club, keeping your job, therapy, celibacy, and many more.
Changes happen organically.
They do.
And when they don't, it mostly means we tried to fix one problem by creating a new one, because we used the same rigid tools we already used to create the original problem that brought us here in the first place.
Can we fix control issues by adding more control issues? I'll leave that one open.
Sending a big hug to all who struggle with familiar problems and wish to change <3
And thank you for reading!
I would love to hear your thoughts about this text and your experience with change.
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